2 days - Living with Cancer

Monday 15th November 2010

Referred to the Peter McCallum Cancer Institute Melbourne

Living with cancer

Swanston Street Melbourne

Enter the doctors surgery to the well oiled reception and wait in a room with bodies as frightened in anticipation as you are. Smell the fear and the ladies coming along with their men flicking the out of date magazines and newspapers trying not to look concerned.  Eyes do not meet.

Your name is called. You wish someone else would answer but the doctor is looking at you and your loved is just as reluctant to answer almost as if you are as one body.

Lost soul and dead apple

Enter the doctors surgery, explain all the finer points of your private life, the body functions, or lack of, the nights you have had no sleep, the bad spells. The pictures come out of the envelope. You watch as the doctor looks at the inner workings of your body on a light frame. The imperfections in the pictures.  The tell tale signs of cancer. Those grey areas. Damn! Why are they there? Small imperfections created in your body.  You cannot hide these imperfections. They are inside you, no amount of  exercise, diet or positive thought will cure.  You cannot talk out of this one. Bullshit is not on here. The doctor is Judge and Jury.  This person is a  life line to some sort of lifestyle and future. This is it and you have no say in at all.

Entrance, Peter McCallum Cancer Clinic

Wind back the clock as you sit in the chair discussing the options as your life slowly passes by in front of you. You try to shut out the fact that you may be being dramatic. It is not as bad as it all seems. You recollect the fishing trip, the giggle of your granddaughter, the smile of your wife and the encouragement from your daughters then the conversation comes to wild cells leakage from the area. The tumour becoming active again and then you are all attentive.
This is the news that you were not expecting. This is the news that was not wanted.  It has many large complicated words meaning it could be in your blood and it could end up anywhere creating hell to good cells.  So keep positive, keep calm, let us look at the options, another x-ray session with more radiation in the bones and radioactive injections, to assist a rod up the arse, radioactive of course, to make a finer picture of the tumour present in the prostate. Try to find the rogue cells and then Zap the Prostate. Poor little prostate only put there to propagate the species and now causing so much trouble for the male of the species. Me.

Arcade shopping Melbourne

Mate I think. “It is time to get some positive vibes here! So let us not dwell too long. What is the worst that can happen”? Wrong question for this time in the cycle? Correct!

“Malcy we have been in tough scraps before. Let’s front up and do whatever we have to do and if it beats us then so be it we gave it our best shot.”

We sit at the tram stop whipping tears from our eyes and feeling exhausted. Pam nudges me “Hey, look a pub. I need a scotch.  My shout”.

Come to the traffic lights and I go to cross. Pam screams “tram”. Nearly walk into a tram. That would be right. Cancer has nothing to do with it. The bloody tram will kill me. Where is the door to this pub? I mumble a lot. Suppose it is my right! Damn! Just when I was getting on with life to. Beer is good. Barmaid notices the big parcel of x-rays and photos. Does not comment until we are leaving and says, “We get a lot of you people in here. I bet I know what your problem is.” It occurred to me as we walked out the door I belonged to a club of people with no exclusive rights. The club is growing rapidly and no one is exempt. Don’t have to be nominated either.

I smiled, holding Pams’ hand. I know I have the best medical team and a family that cares and I have you as a friend. That makes me strong. I can smile.

 Tuesday 16th

Day after the consultation

Peter Mac Callum Cancer Clinic East Melbourne 8.00am

St Andrews Place Melbourne on the way to the appointment with the scan machine

Walk in the main entrance left to the lift upper ground floor

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PET Scan

What is a PET scan? Keep calm. If I crack dumb, all will be revealed. I am sure that it is not one of those things that you buy at Dick Smiths. Yeah, I can hear you.  Why did you not ask the good Doctor yesterday?

Yep good question, the answer is “overwhelmed”. Ever been there?

Into the cubicle, birthdates 3 times, address twice and there I am. Then I find out that a PET scan is a hybrid between MRI, CT & Bone Scan.

St Andrews Place rock sculpts Treasury place

My little problem. The bones have huge shadows and no amount of conventional sensor x-rays have shed light (pun). It shows as shadow. It could be tumors or radiology splash, either way we need to establish the identity. If not, it could be a sure sign to paradise for this scribe. PSA is increasing and there is no visible reason for it. The good doctor is suspicious and looking for rogue cells. (Refer to the earlier writings).

Enter the cubicle and take off clothes, put on hospital gear. Take off all metal, rings, jewellery and watches. Put in basket, sit on the seat and wait. Orderly inserts the intra canal with the mixture of dye tracer and sugar solution. This is the difference in the MRI and the bone scan. The sugar invigorates the cancer and makes it visible to the camera. Rest and the orderly starts the video of your choice. My selection “Totally Blonde”, Man, I need inspiration. Stay perfectly still. If you move you can create the solution to enter the brain and that is not the purpose of the exercise. How can I not laugh at the zany blonde.

Lay on the table and wait. The machine looks at your body making lovable sounds like Deep Purple on a bad day. You cannot move a muscle as it will distort the picture. The process takes all of 90 minutes. Yep, there it is. No need to wear pyjamas, all is revealed.

I feel cold, invaded, devoid of feelings and sad that the body I have cherished, exercised, admired, is now very different. It is invaded by its own cells.

The doctor gives me the OK to go and we walk from the clinic into the Melbourne sunshine.

Time for coffee and breakfast. Time to ponder on my good fortune to be in an age and a place that can help me to prolong lifestyle.

OLD and NEW Victoria to IT

Tomorrow we return to our home in Southport Q with the knowledge that this is going to be a long fight.

Merry Christmas to you all Malcolm and Pam

But I can do it. I have the best team around me.

Melbourne 15-16 November 2010